Motherhood Lessons: Me, Myself and Ky
When it comes to me, myself, and Ky the question I have been asked the most over the years is, “How do you do it?” and the answer is quite easy. I have no choice.
Nine years ago during my second year of university I became pregnant with my not so little girl, Kya. It shouldn’t have come as a surprise, given I knew full well how babies were made, but for some reason it did. At the time I had a part time job in a call centre for a bank and was renting a one bedroom flat, so in my mind that made me ready to have a child and although I was not in a relationship with the father, he was on board (for the first few weeks). It was scary but I was excited to have a child of my own, someone who I could love and who would love me forever. So nine years later and here is what I have learned.
1. £10 can go a long way.
Thankfully, my financial situation at present is stable, but back when my daughter was a baby there were times when all I would have left for the week was £10. Although I did get some financial help her nursery fee’s were crippling me, I was on a low income and I had allowed some small debts to spiral out of control — it was a very dark time. I can remember it sometimes being £5 on the gas meter and £5 for the food shopping. Our meals would be very erm creative.
2. Not all heroes wear capes.
My cousin moved to another city and I took Kya (aged three at the time) down on the train and she behaved well… on the way there. On the way back to the train station there were crying fits, lying on the floor protests, run away from mommy games and I tried to deal with this with a rucksack on my back and suitcase in hand. I was so angry. Angry at her for being a three year old, angry at myself for even thinking I could take her away alone, angry that we were going to miss the train then out of nowhere one of the men who worked at the station picked her up. We walked together in silence all the way to my seat and I mumbled a thank you through the lump stuck in my throat. I gave her a colouring book to entertain her and let a few silent tears fall.
3. Don’t force it.
Raising a child alone can be stressful enough as it is, especially during the early years. After a few years of trying I eventually learned that’s it’s only the people who are around consistently that matter, those that support you, uplift you, and make you laugh when you’re down. Those that provide a shoulder for you to cry on and an ear for you to complain about the same things you’ve been complaining about for months. The people that accept you are the ones that matter. Don’t force it with anyone else whether they helped create the child or not.
4. It’s nothing to be ashamed of.
I was never ashamed of being a single parent in my own social group, as sad to say but it was quite common. But as life moved on and I started to work at different places and meet and socialise with different people, I could never bring myself to say I’m a single mom. I guess I felt a little pathetic with her being so young, I didn’t want people to think I’d just got pregnant and had a baby with no thought (even though that’s literally what happened). I now know that single parents come in all shapes and sizes. Some have come from long term relationships which have split abruptly, some may have chosen to have a baby via a donor, some may have had a partner that passed away there are many situations in which a person could end up raising a child alone.
5. You don’t have to buy their school picture every year.
I mean let’s be honest, do they really change that much from the age of six to seven? I brought the first one of course and the second and even the third. Then they started to look a little samey so now I skip a year here and there and save myself a few thousand pounds — okay slight exaggeration but they’re not cheap, are they?
My wonderful child is now nine going one nineteen and has inherited many of my traits, including my sarcasm and quick wit which is as annoying as it is impressive. I finished my university degree in Tourism Management with a 2.1, secured for myself a decent job, a reliable car, and I have brought a house that is the envy of my family (because I have two toilets). Life is much better and easier than it used to be now, you’d be surprised what you can accomplish when you have a little one dependent on you.
